LOL.

I very much dislike bad use of punctuation. However, using the acronym LOL to punctuate sentences really, really annoys me. I remember the days of LOL first breaking into mainstream typing everywhere. It was a phenomenon online which can be compared today to the likes of Twitter. Lots of people use it, some people don't have a problem with it whilst others utterly despise it's existance. Fair enough. Whilst I don't personally use it myself (I'm more a 'haha' kinda girl), I can't help but think it makes people look a bit... stupid. Yes, yes I said it. If you use the acronym LOL, you are therefore stupid. Unless, of course, you use it in an ironic manner. Then it's fine.

The first example is in texts. You indicate you are amused about something, but just how difficult is it to replace LOL with an extra character and go for 'haha'? That one extra character is the difference between someone judging you as a finely spoken, well shaped individual or an utter mong. Did you really just laugh out loud? I'm not sure you did. Can you even spell laugh? Again, I'm not sure you can.

The absolute WORST use of LOL has to be to punctuate sentences. Often these can be found on social networking profiles (expect a whole rantage of that just shortly...) and goes along these lines:

Hey! My name is "insert name here" lol! Dunno what to say lol! I enjoy different kinds of music. Not shouty stuff though lol!

What the hell is wrong with these people?! Why are they laughing so much? That suggests a serious neurological, possibly mental, problem. I cannot emphasise enough just how simple it makes these morons look. There should be some sort of authority online who decides if someone is abusing lols. Then it should be reported to the relevant ISP, who should ban these idiots from making the internet a lolhaven. I've had enough of them.

LOLists, you are idiots.

Luca Toni

Today's rant is inspired by the France v Italy Euro 2008 football match. Luca Toni is a late bloomer, one of those players who do nothing for most of their careers then all of sudden seem to be a bit better than average. I can't remember when I first heard of Luca Toni. He appeared out of nowhere. Somewhere I wish he would politely return to.

I like football. I watch it a lot, I play it a lot. I like to think I can spot a good player. However, Mr Toni is an idiot. He scores plenty of goals in domestic football, but whenever I watch him play, he looks like a pub league player. For a man that's 6ft odd, he should be out-jumping the centre backs marking him. However, he can't jump. When he does actually attempt to jump, he feels the need to foul whoever is marking him. Clearly he does not realise that if he uses his brain (assuming he has one) and makes it to the ball BEFORE the man marking him, he wouldn't need to foul him and has more chance of scoring.

Another thing. He has some of the best players in the world setting him up, playing through balls. I want to see the stats for how many passes and one on one's with the keeper he misses. His first touch is good. His finishing is gash. I doubt he could finish his dinner some nights.

Why does he look so surprised when he misses?! You know the one I mean.

Surely, with him doing it so often, the shock will have worn off? Apparently not. In fact, if he likes, I can break the news gently to him just before he takes a shot that he is going to miss. Really, I don't mind. For some reason, he gets a start every single game. He's not that good. How can he be so slow? He's an athlete. He trains for a living. Yet he's still slower than my gran. That's really a good quality of a centre forward. So let's sum him up. Slow in the air. Slow on the ground. Can't finish. Drama queen.

Yet, the absolute worst thing about Luca Toni was that daft celebration he used to do which made him look like your Grandad punching the air. Why?! Just... why!

Luca Toni. You're an idiot.